How about asking to rotate locations of the event each year with siblings/family who attend? That way, the person hosting cooks the bird, and the others can bring side dishes.

I'd hope that if your inlaws knew it caused you stress, they would figure out a way to stay a shorter time or make it easier for you.

I think you could nicely start cleaning up the kitchen and putting things away as a hint when you're ready for people to start leaving for the evening. I usually take that as a cue, and I think it's a tactful way to say what you want to.