By Karen Wheeler, Slice of Life 

Egad! I just found out that I’m hosting Thanksgiving for the Wheeler clan, but – hey- everything’s good. I already have two turkeys in the freezer, 10 pounds of potatoes in the basement and enough boxes of Jello to make our traditional seven-layer salad. So why the egad? Well, as you may know, there’s this one other little issue about hosting a family gathering.

Karen Wheeler

I’ll have to clean the house.

“No sweat,” my co-worker told me. “Just make it look respectable.” Ah, but respectable is all relative and - although it IS just family coming over - I continue to cling to small shreds of presentable pride. My friends who know me, however, will argue that all of my shreds have shriveled up and blown away, but alas, they do me wrong. I can clean my house as well as anybody. It’s just that, when it comes to cleaning house or working in the yard, I’m going to go work in the yard. And if I have to choose between vacuuming and writing, I’ll write. And between mopping and going to the dentist? Come on! Of course I’ll mop – unless it’s just a cleaning and they promise not to floss.

Ahh, but speaking of cleaning… I have a plan. You see, it’s not just the scrubbing and dusting that’s a pain; it’s the picking up and putting away. Thus, I have developed this simple strategy, unpretentious yet with a hint of audacity. I like to call it “staging” the house for company – putting one’s best floors forward, so to speak.

I put everything in the office and shut the door.

When people arrive, man, we are looking goo-ood. Counters are clean. Floors are tidy. There’s a place for everything, and everything is in its place. I am the gracious host, floating airily among my guests, smiling, getting them something to drink…

“HEY! DON’T GO IN THERE!”

Hmm. Yes. There’s just one little drawback to my picked-up plan. “Why, ha ha. Behind that door? Remember, it’s the office. Oh, no, let’s stay out here in the kitchen. What? You need a note card? Right now? Well, I guess I can get you one. You wait here, and I’ll just squeeeeeze through the door…NO. DON’T COME IN HERE! I mean, ha ha, you just relax in the kitchen, and I’ll be right back with your note card. There’s nothing in here to see.”

OK. You’re right. That was a little white lie. Of course there’s something to see in the office. Lots to see, in fact, but nothing I want seen. The office, having the dubious honor of being the room right off the kitchen, gets everything dumped in it. I sweep all the paper piles off the kitchen counter and stack them on the floor next to the vacuum. Same for the Goodwill bag waiting to be dropped off, and the light fixture that’s in need of some fixing. Look around this room and you will also see the stack of library books, the canning jar that’s waiting to be returned to our neighbor, and the kids’ backpacks. Throw in a lacrosse stick that needs mending and a choir notebook that needs memorizing, and you are beginning to get the un-pretty picture of life in the office.

My friend, Mary, can’t stand it. She doesn’t even have a junk drawer, and here I have a junk room. It’s a sad state of affairs, my friend, but it’s life as I know it. And, since this is the time of year we especially want to be thankful for all of the blessings in our lives, all I can say is, “Thank God for doors.”

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours (and feel free to use my cleaning strategy – it will be our little secret.) 

(Karen Wheeler is a veterinarian who lives in Burnsville. Her column is one of several opinion and commentary pieces appearing regularly in this newspaper.)