By Karen Wheeler, Slice of Life

We went to Madison, Wis. a few weeks ago and had the best time ever. Things went especially well because we brought along my new best friend, Wanda. She was simply amazing! Not only was she extremely knowledgeable about the city, she also knew the quickest way to get to a new restaurant we wanted to try. She explained the exact route from the campus to our hotel, and could even tell us the names of all the city parks we drove by!

“Isn’t Wanda incredible?” I asked my daughter as we strolled around campus. “I just love her! She took us a new way past the airport to get to your place, and it was super fast and easy. She always knows just where to turn and precisely what street she is on. I don’t understand how she does it, but she is absolutely the smartest person I’ve ever met and I can’t imagine ever going anywhere without her again.”

“Mom,” my daughter sighed, “First of all, Wanda is not a perso. She is a GPS. Second, I don’t know why you’re so excited. People have been using GPS’ for years.”

“Well, this is my first time in a relationship like this,” I said, “And I think I’m in love.”

Head over heels, as a matter of fact, and I’m determined never to go down any strange roads again without Wanda by my side. In fact, now that I know what I’ve been missing, I think I need a “Wanda” in every area of my life. Think of the possibilities!

She could advise our family when it comes to relationships. “Wanda, my daughter met this boy and he seems nice, but when she’s at Point A, he’s at Point B and then when she’s at Point B, he’s back at Point A. I mean, love is a two-way street and all, but is she really going in the right direction with this guy or should she make a U-turn as soon as possible? Maybe just get a cat and wait a year or so?”

She would be a good companion to have at work. “Wanda, there are a number of tests we’d like to do on Mrs. Johnson’s cat, Buffy, but money is tight so which ones will get us to the source of the illness the quickest? Is it best to go the CBC/profile route, or head straight to x-rays? It would also help to know what clinical course this disease will take in Buffy, as well as an estimated survival time if we decide not to treat.”

I know my kids would like to confer with her over career paths. “Hi, Wanda. I’m a freshman in college and am wondering if this career I’ve chosen is headed down a dead-end street. Is there a quicker way to get where I want to go? My parents want me on the fast track so I don’t need as many loans, but I feel like I’m in overdrive. Can you lay out a good roadmap for my life?”

I think we could even use her as a resource for moral and ethical conundrums. “Wanda, thank goodness you’ve here. I seem to have temporarily misplaced my moral compass. I know God purposely only lets us see as far as the beam in the headlights, but it would really, really help me to know what’s coming up around the bend. Do you think I’m still going in the right direction?”

Perhaps someday Wanda can help us with all of those things, but for now I’m just so happy that she does what she does. In spite of her amazing attributes, my kids don’t seem to understand my unique friendship with Wanda. Just last Sunday night, when we were taking my son back to campus, he tried to sit in the front seat.

“No, you can’t sit there!” I told him. “I need Wanda to be close by so I can hear what she is saying.”

“Mom, Wanda is not a she. Wanda is an IT, and I want to sit in the front so I am putting IT on the floor.”

After I dropped him off at the dorm, I carefully placed Wanda back on the front seat and straightened her cords.

“These young kids nowadays don’t have any manners,” I told her. “Besides, you know a lot more street names than he does.”

I could have sworn Wanda sounded happy when she told me to take the next right, and I drove home feeling safe and secure – heading in the right direction with my new best friend.

(Karen Wheeler is a veterinarian who lives in Burnsville. Her column is one of several opinion and commentary pieces appearing regularly in this newspaper.)